Wernham Hogg Forum

nospam · Wed Oct 10, 2007 1:38 am Prostitutes

This is somewhat of another surreal story from yours truly. It's 9.30am on Saturday morning and I am sat in the flat of a journalist who writes for a major music magazine and a very close but rich friend of mine. We have taken copious amonts of drugs and these two men are getting horny. Journalist will be called J. Friend will be called F. J says, "we should get some hookers." F takes him seriously and goes, "do you have the money?" J fumbles about and says he does. "But I've never had one before, have you?", J asks F. "Me neither." I've never had a prostitute myself, but I'm on the computer and curiousity gets the better of me and I begin to search for escort agencies on the computer. "Here's a number", I proclaim, and J begins to dial it. "Hello... we'd like some hookers please...", he announces. "Two please." and gives his address. He puts the phone down, I am sat there observing their happy faces. There's no way I'm paying for a hooker. Those two on the other hand? £200 each. One hour later, they arrive. It is hillarious to see two grown men sat trying to make small talk when they're off their faces. The girls take their money, they're from Bulgaria and Hungary. One of them keeps smiling at me. Politely I smile back, she's the attractive one. The other one reminds me of a man. That's J's one. They offer the girls a drink, but they're not interested in anything like that. J takes the plunge first, after the conversation immediately dries up. I sit on the computer just watching it all, feeling a little sick in the stomach. J asks his girl to come to the bedroom and he does. This now leaves me in a room with F and the hooker, Xena. F makes a few absurd comments and the only problem is that there is only one bedroom and we're in the lounge. Xena goes to F, "you know, you only have me for one hour." F realises this. Xena keeps asking where my money is. "I have none". (I would not give it to you if I did) Eventually I leave the room after F makes an excuse for me to. Ugh. Fifteen minutes later and J's girl leaves his room all dressed up and asks me where her friend is. "In the lounge, but I think they're having sex." "So?" she replies and walks in. I go and join J, he says he didn't enjoy it, she wasn't in to it and his face suddenly looks absolutely deflated. J's girl comes into the room and sits with us. She then starts to have a go at the way I look. "Why do you wear such tight trousers?" "Why do you sit with your legs crossed?" "A man should be a man, not a woman." Suddenly I'm being criticised by a hooker about the way I look! I try to explain but to be honest, I'd rather just slap the cheeky bitch. But I'm polite. She is not. As soon as F's girl leaves the lounge, she grabs her bag, grabs Xena the hooker and they leave. That's that. Very blunt. It was fascinating but also absolutely horrible to witness. F is quite pleased with himself, J on the other hand is not. It was my first experience watching the process of a hooker and I am very glad that I am certain it will be my last. It makes my stomach wrench. Ugh.

Dananiel · Wed Oct 10, 2007 2:17 am

That's pretty bleak.

nospam · Wed Oct 10, 2007 4:04 am

I've been sworn to secrecy but to be honest, it's a story I don't particulary want to share with anybody either - it's just absolutely ugliness..

BILLY V2.0 · Wed Oct 10, 2007 7:40 am

haha. now that's a story

Elliott · Wed Oct 10, 2007 8:58 am

I still prefer the bee story. Had a punchline and everything.

Pah. · Wed Oct 10, 2007 1:31 pm

has anyone seen the billie piper secret diary on itv2 yet? Its pretty weird but it's glamorizing this kind of high class whore, which is completely offensive because i'm sure most people that have gotten into that kind of world have been severely messed up by it, and this show seems to be showing girls that its an easy and fun way to make money and live an affluent lifestyle. i mean, i've only seen the first two episodes, by the end it may be a morality tale where she is 'saved' at the end, most probably by a man, and gives it all up. who knows.

BILLY V2.0 · Wed Oct 10, 2007 2:03 pm

some slappers in the office keep talking about that. i saw some of it yesterday and have to say it's certainly no tipping the velvet which is far and away the sexiest programme ever.

Pah. · Wed Oct 10, 2007 2:38 pm

do the slappers in the office get really excited about little pieces of chocolate (ie minstrels or malteasers etc, i mean, really excited.

Dananiel · Wed Oct 10, 2007 6:20 pm

I don't find Billie Piper sexy. I don't know why, she's horsey, but it doesn't do it for me. NO THANKS BILLIE, I'LL BE SAVING MY MONEY FOR A POLISH.

RChappo · Wed Oct 10, 2007 6:56 pm

She's never done anything for me either. I don't know why really. Her mouth is too big for her face for starters though.

BILLY V2.0 · Thu Oct 11, 2007 8:04 am

they really do, ellen. if somebody brings a box of leftover chocolates from the weekend or something then it's the best day. the woman at the desk next to me bought a new car last week and she must have had at least 50 different people come to her desk and congratulate her on it. and i don't know how sincere she genuinely is, but she looks so pleased whenever somebody mentions her car.

it's really foggy today!

Pah. · Sat Oct 13, 2007 2:58 pm

they say its left over chocolates from the weekend, but its all a ploy to get people to associate their personality with a sweet addictive meltiness of a kit kat.