Wernham Hogg Forum

RChappo · Posted: Thu Sep 06, 2007 4:11 pm Post subject:

Just Critter Bitter I believe.
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"For all his horses, knighthoods and championships, he hasn't got two of what I've got. And I don't mean balls!"

nospam · Sexmonster Joined: 03 Nov 2006 Posts: 685

SO I GOT A JOB.

last weds. i went for the interview at 10am. i was in training by 1am. i was working by 5pm. in a call center, asking existing bt broadband customers if they wanted to renew their contracts. (by doing this i can see how much of a rip off bt really are)........... i was offered a five day shift, working mons,tues,thurs,fri,sun.... 11am til 5pm.. not bad i thought.......... but with no where to actually live in london this reality became an absolute horror. not to mention the fact i was literally unable to talk on sunday morning so i missed work. and i've quit today. did three days of menial, criminally under-paid work. i just applied to go on the dole. that seems so much easier.
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BILLY V2.0 · Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 2:42 pm Post subject:

i think the dole is underrated. you get about 50 quid a week, for spending 2 minutes signing a form. i would probably go back on it if i could afford to live off of it, but it's almost impossible unless you're not paying rent.

telesales is pretty souldestroying, and people that call your house and try and sell you stuff are basically the scum of the earth.
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nospam · Sexmonster Joined: 03 Nov 2006 Posts: 685

cool i have an interview with em on the friday.

only thing that pisses me off is the fact my nearest dole office is 15 miles from my parents and well,
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nospam · Sexmonster Joined: 03 Nov 2006 Posts: 685

well, basically, it means i have to go there once? or is it every two weeks? to sign on meaning i can't be in london all the time.
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Dananiel · Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 4:28 pm Post subject:

I don't understand how you posted mid-sentence, you maniac.

You have to go there every two weeks and with each visit they put more and more pressure on you, make you feel like scum etc. I think after a while you have to go every week.

I'm basing this all on Bill's experiences mind.

RChappo · Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 4:54 pm Post subject:

Mrs Chappo is on the dole over here now. She actually gets just $200 (100 quid) less per month on the dole than she did when she was working. It's shocking really....just shows you how shit her wages were at her last job. No wonder some people prefer to stay at home on the dole and not work for shitty wages. Mind you, it does help if your husband (ie - ME) earns enough to keep paying the mortgage and bills I suppose.
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"For all his horses, knighthoods and championships, he hasn't got two of what I've got. And I don't mean balls!"

nospam · Sexmonster Joined: 03 Nov 2006 Posts: 685

Thing is that makes me resent work is for example, I earned £70, an entire bottle of whiskey, coca cola and female adoration just for an hours DJing last Friday. And that's quite a low rate for me to charge, to be honest. Now two of those, and I'd have made my entire wages for a week for what I was earning at this job I've just quit. And I wouldn't need to pay tax, wear a suit, and oh, would have the rest of the week to myself. So I am prepared to work, just like every gig we play we earn money too.. and whatnot... I only want enough to keep my head above water... but obviously nothing is concrete so you can never live peacefully.
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BILLY V2.0 · Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 9:28 am Post subject:

dan's description is pretty much spot on. it gets more and more degrading with each visit, and after a certain amount of visits you'll be asked to come in for an interview where they'll basically say "it's been x weeks and you still haven't even had an interview. let's fix this together" and then your lies and deceit unravel around you" so you go to an interview, purposely don't get it, then the whole sorry business continues. eventually their participation becomes so much that you're forced to either just get a job, or quit the dole for a bit. there isn't a way to get paid without going though. unless you make your biweekly appointments you won't receive any money, and a letter will turn up at your house informing you that you haven't been paid.

some dole tips - when you first go, you'll be asked to select 3 job titles that appeal to you, from a list they have. if you want to avoid work for as long as possible, choose 3 that you aren't really suited to. i picked animal care (nothing in this area will take you without previous experience), some job role related to amusement parks (i was an hour from thorpe park and they still tried to get me to work there!) and something else i wasn't qualified for. also, be really nice to the people that work there. they spend all day dealing with druggies, alcoholics, and various other scum. a bit of politeness and fake enthusiasm goes a long way. tell them you've been asking relatives about jobs, checking local newspapers, and mention stuff like gumtree/monster.co.uk - and if you for whatever reason you can't make it, ring up in advance and tell them. they get really pissed off if you don't do that. the actual signing on is really easy, and takes literally 2 minutes. you don't always meet the same person though, and sometimes you'll get a jobsworth who will start asking you all sorts of questions. other times you don't even have to sit down. just sign the form and you're off.

i think they subsidise your travel too, if you're so far from the nearest dole office

the dole was enough for me when i was living rent free at my nan's but i couldn't cope without a job now just because of stuff like rent, buying my own food, etc. honestly i don't mind working that much. today most of the office are our at training down the road, so i'm just sitting here loading stuff onto pen drives, listening to my mp3 player having a can of red bull and doing the independent crossword. then i have to walk over there and give them to them, then i can go home. after i've had a free full english breakfast. yesterday i was here from 8am to 8pm helping my manager prepare a presentation which was a bit crap, but i've not done a full day for over a month so it all evens out.
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Carlton Palmer doing his impression of a man with brain damage

BILLY V2.0 · Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 11:20 am Post subject:

i'm finishing here at the end of sept though, so i have to find a new job in london and somewhere to live, as i don't want to stay in shitty sunbury. i don't know whether to find a new place to live and then try and find a job based near there, or find a job and then try and find accomodation
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Carlton Palmer doing his impression of a man with brain damage

RChappo · Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:02 pm Post subject:

Over here you can "sign on" online. Just log in each week and fill out a form...they put your dole money in your bank account by direct deposit! It's quite rewarding sitting there in your dressing gown and slippers with a cup of tea and taking 30 seconds to get your money.. and then you can go back to bed. Or you can have the option of having a debit card sent to you and they add money to it each week.
They usually get you to go in to the Dept of Labour office once in your first 2 or 3 weeks of unemployment. You have to do an hours course on job seeking skills - sit there with a bunch of other dole scum and listen as they tell you how to use the internet (reminded me of Pauline out of the League Of Gentlemen). Then right afterwards you have a "one on one" with a job counsellor, give them your CV and they ask you what kind of job you're after. They tell you that they'll send you details of any suitable jobs that come up on their computers (none ever do usually) and then you're free to go. Like you say..they're used to dealing with all sorts of layabouts and people that sign forms with a shaky "x" so if you show you've got half a brain they usually leave you to your own devices and assume that you'll get a job under your own steam soon enough. I think I signed on for 3 or 4 months and only had to go in once for the initial consultation. I WAS looking for a job but did turn a couple down..and they put no pressure on me to take just anything.
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"For all his horses, knighthoods and championships, he hasn't got two of what I've got. And I don't mean balls!"

nospam · Sexmonster Joined: 03 Nov 2006 Posts: 685

Well I just said on the phone that I was a musician (!) obviously finding it hard to get work because of the inconvenient hours the business revolves around. That I had so many GCSEs, A Levels, whatever, and she didn't really ask me too much else. I said I quit a job last week cos I was in London and didn't paid, had no savings, or anything like that. She took my bank details too, which is promising?.. I have an interview on Friday morning. 9-a-fucking-am. How shit is that?.. And if they subsidise travel, that's fantastic.. as I do live 15 miles from the nearest office. Fuckin' 'ell.. on the dole, I never expected this. But hopefully one day we'll sign a million pound record deal. Oh.... (hah)
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Dananiel · Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:35 pm Post subject:

Imagine if the bloke at the Job Centre made you play one of your songs in order to work out if you're capable of finding work in the music industry.

That's a funny concept, not funny when I type it out.

BILLY V2.0 · Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 3:51 pm Post subject:

yeah i've been on the dole on two separate occasions. one time my signing on was 11:30am which wasn't too bad, and the other was 9am. that was when i was at my nans, so i'd just stay up all night and go, then sleep during the day.
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Carlton Palmer doing his impression of a man with brain damage

Dananiel · Posted: Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:52 pm Post subject:

That's your best avatar since the spunking Mourinho